Pre Menstrual Sadness

The feeling is indescribable, but also completely describable. It feels like you are filled with rage, and could burst at any given second, but for no apparent reason at all. Like with every rise and fall of your chest, it feels like a giant rock is sitting on you.

I can only speak from my own experiences, but maybe it will help. I recently got off birth control about two months ago after being on it since I was 16. I used to describe feeling like a "monster" to my doctor the week before my period and pleaded to get a lower dose. At the time I experienced many side effects of birth control ranging from depression, anxiety, weight gain, pretty much all of them. Realizing that was seven years ago makes me a little volatile, only because mentally I am still 21, but I digress. My premenstrual sadness usually happens 1-2 weeks before my actual period starts, but for one to 4 days, I am an absolute mess of a human being. It feels like every second in my chest there is deep sadness where I could either burst out in tears any moment or freak out on someone the next. As I have gotten older, I usually attribute these feelings to pre-menstruation, however, it doesn't make it easier. There have been times when I woke up one day on the verge of being suicidal and then woke up the next morning not even knowing what hit me.

I try to counteract these feelings by doing extensive self-care during this time but also feeding into those emotions. I will watch movies that will make me sob my eyes out but inevitably make me feel better. I will do facemasks to try and prevent the ginormous pimple that enters my pores every single month in the most inconvenient spot. I will write in my journal and have a glass of wine, or an entire bottle, depending on the severity. However, that method does not always work and does cause problems from time to time. It can sometimes open up a spiral, which is never good. I also like to listen to my playlists which I have curated specifically to make me bawl my eyes out for 3 hours and 7 minutes exactly. I am no doctor, but this is what I do because hot girls get their periods and hot girls get premenstrual sadness. Like everything, you are not alone at any time.